Understanding Masking in Neurodivergent People: The Challenges and Steps to Unmasking
For many neurodivergent individuals, the world can often feel like a place where they need to “fit in” rather than be their authentic selves. This pressure to conform to societal norms leads to a common but often misunderstood behaviour known as masking. Masking involves hiding or suppressing neurodivergent traits, such as stimming, special interests, or differences in social communication, to blend in with neurotypical people. While masking may help individuals avoid judgement or discomfort in the short term, it often comes with significant mental and emotional costs.
In this post, we’ll explore what masking is, the difficulties it presents, and how neurodivergent individuals can begin to take steps toward unmasking and embracing their authentic selves.
What is Masking?
Masking, also known as “camouflaging,” is a coping mechanism that neurodivergent people—such as those with autism, ADHD, or other neurodiverse conditions—use to navigate a world designed for neurotypical behaviors. This can involve mimicking social cues, suppressing behaviors like stimming, forcing eye contact, or hiding sensory sensitivities to avoid standing out.
For example, an autistic person may try to mirror facial expressions or small talk they’ve observed in others, while someone with ADHD may work extra hard to appear focused in settings where their attention is naturally fragmented. While these efforts may seem subtle to outsiders, they can be exhausting and emotionally draining for the neurodivergent individual.
Masking is often used as a way to avoid judgment, bullying, or rejection. In a world that often stigmatizes difference, neurodivergent individuals may feel pressure to “pass” as neurotypical to gain acceptance. But this constant suppression of one’s true self can lead to profound emotional consequences.
The Difficulties Associated with Masking
While masking may offer short-term relief from societal pressure, it can take a serious toll on mental health and overall well-being. Here are some of the challenges associated with masking:
1. Mental Exhaustion and Burnout
Masking is mentally and emotionally exhausting. Constantly monitoring one’s behavior, trying to keep up with neurotypical social cues, and suppressing natural responses can lead to overwhelming fatigue. Many neurodivergent individuals experience burnout, a state of emotional, mental, and physical exhaustion that can make it difficult to function in everyday life. Burnout can result in depression, anxiety, or complete withdrawal from social situations.
2. Loss of Identity
When someone masks for an extended period, they may begin to lose touch with their authentic self. The effort to blend in can lead to confusion about who they really are, what they truly enjoy, and how they naturally communicate. Over time, masking can erode self-esteem and self-worth, as individuals may start to feel as though their true selves are not acceptable or valuable.
3. Increased Anxiety and Stress
The constant vigilance required to maintain a mask in social situations can lead to heightened anxiety. Neurodivergent individuals may worry about being “found out” or slipping up, which can make everyday interactions stressful. This chronic anxiety often exacerbates underlying mental health conditions, creating a vicious cycle of stress and self-doubt.
4. Social Isolation
Ironically, while masking is often used to fit in socially, it can lead to feelings of isolation. Neurodivergent individuals who mask may find it difficult to form deep, authentic connections with others because they aren’t being their true selves. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, even in the company of others, because their relationships are built on a false version of who they are.
How to Begin Unmasking
Unmasking is a process of self-acceptance and self-discovery that allows neurodivergent individuals to embrace their authentic selves. However, unmasking can feel vulnerable and scary, especially for those who have been masking for a long time. Below are some steps that can help guide the journey toward unmasking:
1. Acknowledge and Understand Masking
The first step toward unmasking is recognizing that you are masking and understanding why. Reflect on the situations in which you feel the need to hide certain behaviors or traits. Are there specific environments, people, or triggers that make you feel like you need to conform? Once you identify when and why you mask, you can begin to work on reducing the need for it in manageable steps.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Unmasking can bring up feelings of fear or guilt about not conforming to societal expectations, but it’s important to approach the process with self-compassion. Understand that masking was a survival strategy that you used to navigate difficult situations. Allow yourself to feel proud of your resilience while also acknowledging that it’s okay to step away from the need to hide. Embrace the fact that being your authentic self is valid and important.
3. Start Small in Safe Spaces
Unmasking doesn’t have to happen all at once, and it’s important to begin in environments where you feel safe and supported. Identify people in your life who you trust and feel comfortable being your authentic self around. Share your journey with them if possible, and let them know you’re working on unmasking. Gradually allow yourself to engage in natural behaviors—whether that’s stimming, being more direct in your communication, or embracing your sensory needs.
4. Explore Neurodivergent Communities
Connecting with other neurodivergent individuals can be incredibly validating. In these communities, you’ll find people who understand your experiences without judgment. Being around others who embrace their neurodivergence can help you feel more confident in unmasking. Whether it’s through online forums, local support groups, or neurodivergent advocacy spaces, engaging with others on a similar journey can provide invaluable support.
5. Seek Professional Support
Unmasking can be a deeply emotional process, especially if you’ve spent years hiding your true self. A therapist who specializes in neurodiversity can help guide you through the journey of unmasking, providing support as you explore new ways to express yourself. Therapy can also offer tools for coping with the anxiety or uncertainty that may come up during this process.
Conclusion
Masking is a survival strategy many neurodivergent individuals use to navigate a world that often misunderstands or stigmatizes difference. While it may offer short-term relief, the long-term effects of masking can be harmful to mental health, self-esteem, and relationships. Unmasking is a gradual, personal journey toward self-acceptance and authenticity, and while it may feel daunting, it can also be incredibly liberating. By understanding masking, practicing self-compassion, and seeking support from trusted individuals and communities, neurodivergent people can begin to unmask and live more fully as their true selves.
